Sylviebead Journal

I hate to start the new year with a negative post, but I'm going to. I'm having a really bad day. Today is the anniversary of our fire. All day today I was blue, but I thought it was January 4th. Not that it matters, but when I realized that today was the 5th, I just lost it.

It's not any one thing, just the upheaval and emotion of it all that gets to me. I know it was just stuff and that doesn't really bother me that much. It was the life that had happened in the house that's now gone that bothers me. It's the pets and the kids being sad about the pets and the sentimentality of it all. My kids were crying about it today and they didn't even know it was a day that had anything to do with the date of the fire. They were just in a different part of town than we usually are and said how much they missed where we used to live and maybe we could have a "just like the old days" day. Then my oldest got teary... I started losing it just about then.

So I'm boo hooing all day while I'm trying to be a productive citizen and a "together" Mom. Maybe some day this month I'll be an artist again. I'm just not feeling like it very much right now. :(

And just to say it "out loud" here, I know that my life is better off in this house where we are now and that the fire caused change for the good in a lot of ways. I'm just sort of bogged down in the sadness of it all sometimes.