I sat on the runway on Friday, ready to take off for Baltimore. That quiet time right before takeoff and during the first bit of the flight is usually a reflective meditative and often prayerful time.
Sure... I'm praying for safe travels and for my kids to be protected while I'm away, but as of late, there has also been a lot of prayer for guidance clarity and direction.
Ok... Some of you are going to zone out here... That's fine. If you have read this blog longer than a month, you know that I talk about what is important to ME... I'm glad you are here and reading, but this isn't a marketing tool, it is a place where I share my thoughts about my art and career as an artist... So if you bow out of the prayer talk today... No problem. I will "see" you another day.
Back to the plane... I sat there and said one of my "what am I supposed to be doing??!!" prayers that are necessary when door after door have been shut. (and honestly, the last month has been a WHOLE lot of door shutting). I was questioning my direction and even my career as a whole... Feeling WAY over my head.
So my prayer was something like "hey God, you have made it pretty clear to me in the past year that my career is teaching...opening door after door, but in the last month, it seems that door after door is being closed, even slammed shut. I need some help!!! I need a big "this way" sort of sign"
So, I waited for the plane to take off, knowing that I was flying into uncertainty... Classes with not enough students... A fiscal risk on my part... I was definitely not feeling that things were a sure thing... In fact, I was prepared to just go and enjoy meeting some new people, coming home, hopefully not in the hole (and coming off of the hole that was Oakland, I was feeling pretty uneasy). At the same time I felt uncertainty, I felt that it was the right thing to do, going to the class and not canceling. Risk or no risk, I knew that somehow it was something I needed to do.
And then I fell asleep (and probably snored on the plane, which I'm always a little paranoid about)
I got off the plane and had a class scheduled that night... The energy with even this small class was incredible. I had my tiniest class ever on Saturday, but I never felt like it was a crazy thing... I felt sure that i was supposed to be there. By Sunday the class scheduled had grown by an additional 3 students, putting us one spot from full and packing the room with happy. It just felt good to be in my "zone" all weekend, whether I was making "big bucks" or not.
In the end, I knew that I was still on the right path. I hadn't had any big Blues Brothers moment (where the light comes down from the sky and shines on Jake and Elwood and they know they are on a "mission")...but i knew that how i left those classes feeling was my answer.
So I sat and prayed before I took off yesterday, but it was much more a prayer of thankfulness than a prayer of request. I felt that my prayer for clarity had been answered. Maybe not in a giant "woo hoo! We're rich!" sort of way, but in a way that let me know that I'm supposed to be teaching... To be bringing some happy to people through my art and silliness.
Hopefully more doors open that keep me on this path without so much doubt, but at least I know without a doubt that my prayers (even the sort of lame ones) are heard and answered.
Off to make cute stuff...
Starbucks in hand
Christmas music cued up!