Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I totally didn't expect that...

Those who have read my blog for a long time know that this isn't always the "sunny side of the studio" blog.  There are definitely highs and lows in being an artist, and I haven't shied away from the lows... they're real.  I definitely do the "happy dance" whenever possible, but this isn't one of those days.

It has not been a stellar week in the Sylvie studio.  First shaking hands, then more shaking hands, then just feeling less than excited about what I'm working on in general.  I needed a boost.... but that's not what happened yesterday.

I totally didn't expect it to have the kind of effect it did, but when I logged onto Facebook yesterday, everyone was posting about the opening day of registration for Bead and Button... teachers, students, EVERYONE.  It seemed like every post on my newsfeed was about it.  It hit me WAY harder than I was expecting.  I have talked a little bit about not being accepted to teach, but I haven't ranted about it... I really didn't want to go there.  I still don't.  This isn't about whether I should have been accepted or not... it's just about how I feel as a "not"

So... they didn't pick me.  It doesn't mean that my work has less value... it just means that the women sitting in the room picking the pieces didn't choose mine (again).  But as much as I say it doesn't make my work have less value, it DOES effect my opinions about my work.... whether I want it to or not.  When you're the last kid picked in P.E. for dodge-ball, you don't sit there and say "well, I know I'm a great dodge-ball player, but I'm just not what they need right now.... NO, you say to yourself, "I must be really really bad at dodge-ball to be picked last AGAIN"  So, whether I should or not... I take it personally.  I'm not the only one that was rejected... but I'm the only one living in my house and writing this blog, so I can only speak to what I'm going through.... and yesterday... it sucked. It sucked more than it did when I saw people announcing they'd been accepted.  I don't know why, it just did.

Seeing a whole newsfeed of it all at once was just too much... and I didn't want to be jealous of people I really like....personally AND professionally.  They are fabulous artists and I know their students are excited and it's because they're going to be great classes.... and that's why they were posting about it every 5 minutes.  I just had to get out of there because my own jealousy was going to get in the way of me being excited for them.

So, I've excommunicated myself from Facebook for a few days.  I've had a pretty good cry about it and I'll be ready to move on come Monday... but for now, I just have to steer clear of the happy dance.

I'm off to get some coffee and give beadmaking another try.  Right now my hands feel a little better than they did earlier in the week.  Let's hope that stays the case once I'm in the studio.

tiny blah blah blah...

en route to coffee -which is still a treat provided by the silly blog.
music - I'm pretty sure I need something Adele.  (and to prove that I still have my sense of humor about this...  I'll start with THIS song)


CurlyGirl said...

You chin up are a PHENOMENAL talent!!! I'm a believer in "all things happen for a reason". Things are gonna get better and then you will be telling all of us to chin up.

Hilarious spoof on Adele's music by the way!!!

Gwen - Valley Creek Studio said...

I wish I had some magic words to make you feel better but, I don't. I,too, think that things happen for a reason. Sometimes we never know what that reason was. So, I'm hoping those hands stop the trembling and that you have an awesome trip to Tucson. Sending cyber hugs your way.

Gaea said...

Hi Sylvie,
I just found your work and HI-larious "Hey Girl" posts on ABS. I have to say, your work is magnificent! Me thinks they are just a bit coo coo over at B & B! Maybe B & B needed to hear about your beads from Johnny Depp?

Your reaction to the let down is real and your blog post is real funny! Thanks for keeping it real! Gaea

Sylvie said...

thanks girls. I didn't want to sound like a whiner... I was just having a bad day. I went back a couple of times and watched the SNL-Adele video here just to remind myself to laugh.

It really is out of my control OTHER than to start a huge "recommendation letter writing campaign" which I plan to do prior to applying for 2013.

I'm pretty sure the committee will get tired of reading letters that start with "Hey Girl" and maybe we'll just break them down with sheer determination and moxie! ;)

Lisa said...

I loved this skit! I've made Hannah watch it several times. I think the best part is at the end when the Cold Play guys are standing there crying!

Sylvie said...

Lisa, I swear we live in parallel universes (just on opposite coasts) That was one of my favorite parts of the skit (that and the thought bubble of the parakeets) Hugs to Miss Hannah!

Sara Oehler said...

Honesty is such a beautiful thing. It is nice that you are so open and honest about how you feel. Sometimes life is just crappy. Thankfully, there are tons and tons of people that just love you and love your work! :)