Sylviebead Journal

I don't feel like blogging.

I hate that I am feeling that way... for the most part, I have always loved this blog and loved having a way to communicate what was going on with me in the studio and often personally. It was a great place for catharsis after my house-fire and has been a way I kept my customers up to date with what I was making, as well as a soap-box for talking about creative topics that sometimes were touchy.

It's been my line of communication with the bead-world and others as well and I've really enjoyed having this medium with which to communicate.

The intention was to always talk about art, but art is personal and it was almost impossible for me to leave my life out of things here. For the most part, I didn't leave out my personal life. I stopped blogging when things were MUCH too personal (2003 and 2007) and came back only when I knew I had art-stuff to talk about. It's hard to keep life out of the blog, however. I've tried and I honestly do a really good job of keeping things that don't need to be here out of here, BUT at the same time, I've found myself censoring SO much of what I want to say... not because it's anything bad, but because there are people that I really don't always want to include in my conversations.... even when they're celebratory ones.

If you had a grumpy neighbor, you wouldn't invite him or her out to drinks to celebrate your successes.... and I'm feeling that way here.

There are days that I want to do the happy dance, but only with people who I know would TRULY want to celebrate with me. And I know that's not the case with all the readers here.... and it's made me really uncomfortable writing and being myself here.... and I hate that.

It's really funny that this is a very public forum where I know what I write is read... so in effect, I've always been "watched". BUT I also KNOW I'm being watched (not in a good way) and even though I don't talk about things I shouldn't.... it totally messes with me knowing that people who don't need to be reading this blog are still reading it.

I've wrestled with the idea of putting the blog on a "subscription only " basis and I'd hate that for my REAL readers and I'd hate it for me as well. I'm just not sure at this point.

SO... until I feel otherwise, the blog is on hiatus.

Here's the tiny blah blah blah for the next month....

I'll be thanking Keith all month for my coffee (thank you bunches and bunches!!)

and I'll most likely be listening to my long mellow playlist on the ipod....which is still in desperate need of update. There are SO many songs that I need to add!!! I even have a gift-card to do it!!!