Sylviebead Journal

It's Tuesday and I've been thinking... (uh oh!)

I don't usually think about what I'm going to say in my blog before I write it (big surprise... if you've read this before you know that!) Today is a little different. I thought about this a lot as I drove to work this morning, for several reasons.

Yesterday I realized that my blog is being linked to from a few different places (one that I put out there , but others that I didn't know about) and it kind of freaked me out a little. I don't usually expect anyone to read this except a few friends and some of my regular customers, so the public nature of the blog never effected me too much. I always figured that if someone who didn't know me (like those people who I've referenced before who were looking for information on flying hampsters or poison ivy and found me in a bizarre google search) would take one look at the blog and quickly click "back" to where they came from.

But what if they don't??? What if they are people who knew me in high school, but haven't seen me since or people from my church who just know me as the girl that sits on the left hand side of the room that they've never talked to? What if the people who mis-spelled hamster (see side-bar) ended up here, but stayed??!!

I can usually guess by how many hits I have who came to read... but yesterday was different because there were so many more of them. I had no idea who all these people were and suddenly it hit me, that PEOPLE might actually be reading this! (that sounds silly, I know!)

My friends and customers know the "me" that's writing these rambling thoughts and can put it into the context of my personality. Most of them say that they can hear me saying the words... that I write just how I talk, so it all makes sense to them. But what about the people that don't??? What does all this sound like to them and should it matter to me?

I had a friend use the word "authentic" to describe me yesterday. I really think that's true. If you have read my blog before, you know that I'm pretty much myself all the time. I do censor things that I say here because it's such a public forum and there are other people involved in my life, but what I DO say is totally "me."

I was scared about that yesterday, though. Do I need to change my tone because other people are suddenly reading this? Do I need to try to make sense? What about all those extra punctuation marks???!!! Should I always make sure to spell-check (often I don't because I have a mom who will e-mail immediately if there IS a mistake) so that I don't talk about hampsters when I mean hamsters??? I thought about it a lot and came to this conclusion as I drove to work...

Even though it's a little intimidating and freaks me out a little that "other people" are here, I'm going to continue to be myself. It's a little scary to be this open and "authentic", but I don't know how to be anyone BUT myself. In my regular life, I have slowly over the years, especially the last two, become OK with who I am. I love this blog. I love the outlet that it is, so I'm going to just take a deep breath, not freak out and just continue to be me.

So back to our show....

Tiny blah blah blah

Coffee today - (maybe this explains things) I've already had 2 Cinnamon Dolce Lattes from Starbucks. I got caught in a really bad storm and ducked into Starbucks to wait it out. HAD to order something, so I got a 2nd latte of the day.

Music - I'm currently enjoying Corinne Bailey Rae on my ipod. I LOVE her version of "Sexy Back" (which I have to admit I downloaded from someone's website... probably illegally because it sounds like it was recorded at a concert. It's not available for sale anywhere but was on her website playing when I looked at her concert schedule and I had to have it!!! I promise that if it ever IS published, I'll pay for it!!!!!!!!)