Monday, March 23, 2009

Monday Monday Monday...

and all I'm going to say about that is that it has DEFINITELY been a Monday, so far... oy!

So, staying off personal topics and back to beady business....

If you have been following my blog since "way-back" you know that it's not all shiny happy talk around here... even when it comes to beads. And this is one of those kinds of posts. I wish it wasn't, but I am honest about stuff, so I'm writing what I feel about this...

I am feeling TOTALLY INFERIOR to the beadmakers currently out there. I almost feel like I should just pack up my stuff and move on. That sounds ridiculous I know... but this morning, I turned on my computer and some stuff showed up on Facebook's "news" page (whose new format I hate) that other beadmakers had posted. I purposefully avoid looking at the galleries on the bead newsgroups, so I don't see a lot of people's beads.... and try not to. I don't want to be influenced by their designs, don't want to compare myself to them, don't want to hear whose beads are selling for more than someone elses (because I always compare myself and that's not good for me).

But this unsolicited eye-candy appeared on my page today and TOTALLY made me feel like giving up. That sounds SO STUPID... I know. I was never "the best" beadmaker out there, but I knew who I was in "bead world"... sort of where I stood. But I've definitely loss name recognition in the past 2 years and there are SO many beadmakers now... so many GREAT beadmakers and I feel like a no-one... and a no-one who is not all that good in comparison to these people.

I've always been one of those people who if she can't be the best at something (or at least really really good) doesn't even try. It's a bad trait, but I know it's one that I have... one I've tried to teach my kids is NOT GOOD... but alas, I am that way and I'm not sure I can change.

SO... what do I do with this new revelation... that my work sort of bites in comparison to the fabulous stuff available out there... I'm not sure. I just am feeling down about it and that's not a good thing... but I'm open enough here to say that's what I'm going through. I'm sure a million gazillion other beadmakers have felt the same... I'm just not used to it. I want to be queen (which again, I know is stupid).

ok... off to pout....

tiny blah blah blah brought to you again by the wonderful Hawaiian beadmaker Cheryl

(sorry you had to have a bad-mood post as the one you sponsored... but thank you fo my yummy coffee... which I sipped as the nice policeman gave me a ticket for expired tags which I forgot to renew while my car was being worked on... and it was totally my own fault, but NOT what I needed on a Monday morning in the Starbucks parking lot... yes, I got a ticket IN THE STARBUCKS PARKING LOT!!!!!!!)

coffee today - Cinnamon Dolce Latte

music - the Long Mellow List - currently listening to Robbie Williams "She's the One" which is playing for the 2nd time this morning... it's on shuffle. Not sure why it's playing twice... maybe the ipod is trying to tell me something.... hmmmmm... not sure what that would be other than "update your playlist!"

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